A mixed qualitative methods study exploring forms of inappropriate (manipulative, rude, tactless, etc.) behaviours by socially interactive interfaces. Building on a survey of English-speaking smartphone users (n=80), we conducted experience sampling, interview, and workshop studies (n=11) to elicit people’s attitudes and preferences regarding how automated systems like app notifications or chatbots “talk to” them. We discuss inappropriate design patterns in terms of an emerging ‘social’ class of dark and anti-patterns. Drawing from participant recommendations, we offer suggestions for improving how interfaces treat people in interactions, including broader normative reflections on treating users respectfully.